I'm one happy nanay!

When I read behavior economist Daniel Kahneman’s research about parents being less happy than non-parents, I was like ‘weeeeh, di nga?!’

“He and his team surveyed 909 working Texas women and found that child care ranked sixteenth in pleasurability out of nineteen activities. Among the things these women preferred were preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping and housework.”

Wuuut? House chores - vacuuming clocked in higher than taking care of the kids? weeeehh? This can’t be true!

But this result has also been seen in other research, some in more positive light like kids do not make their parents happier. 

“We assume that children will improve our happiness. That's why babies are called bundles of joy. But what's so interesting is that one of the most robust findings in the social sciences - and it's been this way for about 50 years - is that children do not improve their parents' happiness. In general, they have a net effect of either zero or they slightly compromise their parents' happiness. There are exceptions but overall the effect is zero to a slight negative.”

I’m still, NO! I’m at my happiest when I had Gab and Soleil. That’s absurd. Does that mean I’m an exception? Absurd. Then I wondered, with the numerous studies conducted, and with similar results, then there must be some truth to it, right? They can’t be all wrong? But how come I strongly feel, it’s not right?! And I’m pretty sure (pretty and sure :D) I’m not the only one. 

Now, I’m certain.

Enter JENNIFER SENIOR with her book ‘All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood’ to untangle that paradox. 

She spent time observing parents interacting with their children and each other, and she went through scads of research studies about parental happiness. She came up to the conclusion that, what those research data are leaving out is  ... *insert drumroll here* … joy! Yep, J-O-Y! Joy is indistinguishable from other kind of pleasant feelings, she says. When you’re happy, you just give it a five, for a scale of 0-5. But when you experience joy? It really goes up to .. uhm.. 11? It’s a different category of experience. 

The 5 I give for getting a good laugh from a joke and the 5 I give when I see Soleil mimicking me when I hush our dog Raffy, is totally NOT THE SAME! But with these data, they numerically translate to the same thing. Hence, the conclusion. HAH! So NOT!

This explains why despite the woes of parenting, folks would still want another child :D

I only read the synopsis and there’s another thing that she tackled in the book: the gender difference in parenting. I can so relate! I’m gonna get myself a copy, but before that I’ll be saying this new mantra to myself, ‘when it comes to my kids, I Am The Standard’!