I'm one happy nanay!

When I read behavior economist Daniel Kahneman’s research about parents being less happy than non-parents, I was like ‘weeeeh, di nga?!’

“He and his team surveyed 909 working Texas women and found that child care ranked sixteenth in pleasurability out of nineteen activities. Among the things these women preferred were preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping and housework.”

Wuuut? House chores - vacuuming clocked in higher than taking care of the kids? weeeehh? This can’t be true!

But this result has also been seen in other research, some in more positive light like kids do not make their parents happier. 

“We assume that children will improve our happiness. That's why babies are called bundles of joy. But what's so interesting is that one of the most robust findings in the social sciences - and it's been this way for about 50 years - is that children do not improve their parents' happiness. In general, they have a net effect of either zero or they slightly compromise their parents' happiness. There are exceptions but overall the effect is zero to a slight negative.”

I’m still, NO! I’m at my happiest when I had Gab and Soleil. That’s absurd. Does that mean I’m an exception? Absurd. Then I wondered, with the numerous studies conducted, and with similar results, then there must be some truth to it, right? They can’t be all wrong? But how come I strongly feel, it’s not right?! And I’m pretty sure (pretty and sure :D) I’m not the only one. 

Now, I’m certain.

Enter JENNIFER SENIOR with her book ‘All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood’ to untangle that paradox. 

She spent time observing parents interacting with their children and each other, and she went through scads of research studies about parental happiness. She came up to the conclusion that, what those research data are leaving out is  ... *insert drumroll here* … joy! Yep, J-O-Y! Joy is indistinguishable from other kind of pleasant feelings, she says. When you’re happy, you just give it a five, for a scale of 0-5. But when you experience joy? It really goes up to .. uhm.. 11? It’s a different category of experience. 

The 5 I give for getting a good laugh from a joke and the 5 I give when I see Soleil mimicking me when I hush our dog Raffy, is totally NOT THE SAME! But with these data, they numerically translate to the same thing. Hence, the conclusion. HAH! So NOT!

This explains why despite the woes of parenting, folks would still want another child :D

I only read the synopsis and there’s another thing that she tackled in the book: the gender difference in parenting. I can so relate! I’m gonna get myself a copy, but before that I’ll be saying this new mantra to myself, ‘when it comes to my kids, I Am The Standard’!

Motherhood my way...

  "Parenting: unconditional love is bad." - Jim Taylor

I agree.

Those who knew me would tell you that i am the emotional type. Sometimes (really rare times) rational, but i am usually driven by passion. I get affected easily, i cry easily, i laugh easily. I worry about small stuff, long after everybody had moved on. Usually, chard is more rational.

I used to take pride for being such. I always thought that I am what I am because i put my heart into things. I believed that if something is done out of 'love,' it can't be all wrong. Time and again, this was proven wrong. With the many ( and i mean a lot!) mistakes i committed in the past, twas mostly because i wasn't thinking straight. It was because, as they say, i let my emotions take the best of me.

When my Gabriel was born, it was a different story. Even I was surprised! I felt that certain kind of 'calmness' that can't be easily disturbed by emotions (if i make any sense). I wasn't an 'OA' mom. When he bumps his head into something, when he climbs windows, when he jumps from a higher ground - I am not panicky. It turned out, Chard was more aligaga than me. I always think at those moments that i can't panick or he'll get nervous and may lose his balance. I believe at an early age, he has survival instincts and i trust that. I also had to overcome my fear of needles/vaccination just to show him it's ok. So the only time he cried from all those vaccine requirements was when he had his BCG. That was the first ever vaccination and he was still a baby then. Last month when he had to be drawn blood for the annual physical exam, he just looked and said "red blood". No tears, no fuss.

I also read parenting books, forums, blogs etc. It can be information overload sometimes, some may be confusing or contradicting but it's ok. I need to be guided by experts and more experienced moms, I can't just rely on my 'instincts'. (I just need to be more vigilant on 'research' found in the internet)

Love is emotion. So when i say unconditional love being bad, i mean the doting, OA kind of love that actually hinders the child from growing to his full potential. I am still emotional, I am still passionate. But when it comes to Gab, I can't be all 'heart.' Nevermind that i am called a textbook mom. Nevermind that i may come off as lacking. This is one thing i can't afford to screw up. I know this is far from the best parenting method, if there is one, but so far, it's working for me. And most improtantly, it is working for Gab.

So this fotojournal is dedicated to the sunshine of my life, the one that i love oh soo 'conditionally', Gabriel Hijo Pang. ♥♥♥

p.s.

* I will commit grammatical errors, misspellings, incorrect sentence structures etc..

* I will contradict myself

* I will be biased, judgmental and i will rant

* I am fond of side comments (yes, i side-comment myself) <--- see what i mean?

so please be forgiving. don't say i didn't warn you :-)